Take me down to #RefWatch city. Where the grass is green, and the referees are pretty.
And the cards are yellow. And red.
First, the bad news: Surrey-based football official Gavin Ward and death-metal guitarist Gavin Ward (of Bolt Thrower* semi-fame) are not, in fact, the one and same person. Gutting.
And now, the good news: Reading have never lost a game on Gavin's watch - with Gav in charge, we've drawn once and *gasp* won (yes, WON) on three occasions, all at home. Ward you believe it.
In fact, it's even better than you think. The last time that Gavin Ward refereed a Royals match, on the 17th of April 2012, Reading secured automatic promotion back to the promised land of the Premier League. Antiguan juggernaut Mikele Leigertwood registered a now-famous goal in the 81st minute, seeing off a resolute Nottingham Forest 1-0, and sending a ram-packed Madejski Stadium into raptures. Good times, eh.
Ward is into his eighth term as a Football League official, but this season he's found Championship games hard to come by - taking charge of only two before this weekend.
Goals (well, goal...singular) have also been a rarity on Gavin's travels**. Bournemouth's Junior Stanislas volleyed in from close range to record a 1-0 win over Brentford in September...but that's all. No more goals. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
Discipline-wise, Ward isn't one to wave cards around willy-nilly. He's produced (Alan Dedicoat: "Len Goodman") 7 yellow cards, of which the accumulation of two resulted in an early bath for Middlesborough's Albert Adomah, in their 0-0 stalemate at Charlton.
No penalty decisions to report. *insert appropriate flatulent sound-effect*
Oh well, let's all hope Saturday's clash at the Stad du Mad is slightly more Gavinteresting. Fine, I'll fetch my coat.
*Fret not, I've never heard of them either. Gavin (Death-Metal Gavin), on the wafer-slim chance that you're reading this, I apologise profusely. Actually, Gavin (Referee Gavin), I'd like to apologise to you too, but for entirely different reasons.
**It's like Gulliver's Travels, but really, really not.