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Royal Romp: Welcome to the Twittersphere, Nige

Hoops returns with some nutty banter off the back of News Bites.

Stu Forster/Getty Images

Adkins a glutton for punishment

Nigel Adkins sets up a twitter account - Reading Official Site
Nigel Adkins has joined twitter and can be followed @TheNigelAdkins. His rationale for getting an account is because "The whole world is on Twitter and I'm trying to educate myself as to why people do it". He says he is a "modern, forward thinking manager" and wants to find out why twitter is used.

Under-fire Reading manager Nigel Adkins has decided that now, with 3 wins in 13, is the best time to join Twitter. Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, not content with the media giving him a good bashing, he now wants to wake up in the morning, turn on his phone, and read the torrent of abuse appear right to his mobile device. Whether this is brave or stupid is up for debate, much like his position at the club. Either way, we're positive that his arrival to the world of Twitter is a positively positive positive. (Positive.)

Stand-in captain who plays despite being horribly out of form backs manager who continues to play him

It would be a mistake to sack Adkins - Reading Post
Chris Gunter says sacking Nigel Adkins and changing manager is the "last thing this football club needs". He claims there isn't any way we could improve on Adkins as our manager as few people have his "record and drive". With 8 losses in 12 games, Adkins is the first person many fans turn to criticise, but Gunter says the 11 of them on the pitch can do better and are right behind the manager. He stresses that fans must remember what Adkins had to work with last year with the money issues as "loyalty has to work both ways in football".

In the least surprising news of the week, Chris Gunter has told the media that sacking Adkins would be a mistake. Yes, the same man that continues to pick him for the first team despite his being drastically out of form and hands him the captains armband on a regular basis. Of course he defended him, he's like a second father to him at the moment—and not one of those fathers that tells their son they're a disappointment (I'm looking at you, Dad... *sniff*)

Murray could leave, so Adkins clings to straws

Adkins plays down speculation that Glenn Murray is to leave the club - Reading Chronicle
Manager Nigel Adkins says murmurings of Derby County pulling on-loan striker Glenn Murray away from the club in January aren't likely to be true, as most rumours don't turn into anything. For now, Adkins says Murray is working hard at training.

Nigel Adkins was faced with the rumours of Glenn Murray moving to Derby County in January, so quickly grasped at some straws, saying rumours don't often turn out to be true. He has a point, there have been multiple rumours of the club making a move in the loan market only for them to not be true.

Stupid appeal is dismissed as 'stupid appeal'

Alex Pearce's red card stands - Reading Official Site
The appeal against Alex Pearce's red card at Cardiff has been rejected and his one match suspension stands.

Nigel Adkins didn't think Alex Pearce's red card at Cardiff was a red card. That in itself is a joke, so I'll leave it there.

McCleary to prove he makes Messi look s***e.

He plays on the left, he plays on the right.... - Reading Post
Garath McCleary will face Lionel Messi in the Copa America during the summer, with Jamaica being drawn in group B with Argentina for the competition next summer.

The chant has rung out around the Madejski Stadium for long enough, now it seems the footballing gods have decided it's time for him to prove it: McCleary's Jamaica will come up against Lionel Messi's Argentina next summer in the Copa America. We'll have a box of tissues ready for Messi as he departs the field, acknowledging that he is in fact, utter s***e.

Le Fondre is a cry baby

Le Fondre booing - Reading Post
The Reading Post draw together a selection of tweets about whether it was right for a small section of Reading fans to boo Adam Le Fondre at Cardiff last week, with the majority saying it was very wrong to do so for a player who had served us well and probably would have stuck around if we hadn't had our money issues.

Former Royals poacher Adam Le Fondre cried on Twitter about the boos that run out at the Cardiff City stadium. There's only one way to go about answering this: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Crocked duo like dogs

Karacan and Ferdinand visit Battersea Dogs Home - Reading Official Site
Jem Karacan and Anton Ferdinand took Christmas treats and a bag of used footballs to dogs home Old Windsor. Both players were shown around the home before meeting a couple of the rescued dogs. Karacan, who has a dog himself, says it "pulls on the heartstrings" when you "hear their their stories", whilst Anton Ferdinand talks about how lucky the animals are to have the fantastic staff at the rescue home.

In news that nobody will really have heard about, Jem Karacan and Anton Ferdinand visited the Battersea Dogs Home and had a good time. Well, that's sweet.

Shaun ***mings ready to return

Cummings almost ready for first team return - Reading Official Site
After being out for 2 and a half months and appearing in two friendly matches, Shaun Cummings says he has regained match fitness.

The man dubbed Shaun ***mings on the Official Website is close to a return to the first team, which is good. Quite how he'll break into the first team with an ageing Stephen Kelly and a horrendously out of form and out of position Gunter currently occupying the two full back slots, we don't know. He'll probably have to bide his time until one of them gets a red card for a handball on the line (a la Suarez, 2010 World Cup)—though Adkins would probably appeal that, too.

Ferdinand good to go, even though he's not

Injury update: Only Ferdinand good to go - Reading Official Site
Anton Ferdinand has trained this week and played a training match. "All being well", he will be in the squad on Saturday. Danny Guthrie still isn't ready to rejoin training, Jem Karacan's knee has experienced swelling recently, setting back his return, whilst Garath McCleary continues to become "fitter and stronger".

Everyone's hopes were raised as news broke that defensive saviour Ferdinand was fit to face Norwich, only to then discover that he wasn't fit enough to start and was benched. It's ok though, because Jake Cooper. Who needs Ferdinand anyway? #JakeCooperForEngland.

FA Cup is coming back

FA Cup Third Round Draw - Reading Official Site
The draw will be made on Monday 8th December at 7pm and will be live on BBC 2. The ties will be played on the weekend of 3rd January.

Nigel Adkins will have another chance to prove he's rubbish at cup runs when the draw for this year's FA Cup is made in just over a week's time.

(DISCLAIMER: If you think any of this is serious, you're as clueless as ol' Nige. That is, this is satirical.)