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Ref-Watch: Nottingham Forest (A)

It's the August Bank Holiday Weekend, a.k.a. Reading Festival weekend - but the football doesn't stop. No rest for the wicked; this Saturday, ANDY WOOLMER has got the gig. And I'll get my coat. And wellies.

''I tell you, Andy, the Festival queues were THIS BIG.''
''I tell you, Andy, the Festival queues were THIS BIG.''
Julian Finney

Picture the scene. You're going to Reading Festival: woo. You've shelled out £200+ on a weekend ticket: boo. The festival is next week: double woo. Your ticket hasn't arrived yet: double boo.

Blame Andy. He's a postman.

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But of course, none of that applies to us devoted Reading FC fans, because we're off to Nottingham! Right lads? Right...? Oh fine.*

I'll come Clean (Bandit) - the only thing that's (Jake) Bugg-ing me about Mr Woolmer is that he hasn't officiated in the Championship yet this season.

In the Lower (Than Atlantis) divisions, however, he has taken charge of Exeter vs Portsmouth, and Scunthorpe vs Fleetwood (Mac).

The 48-year-old Paladin of Penalty Kicks has deployed 2 yellow cards in both of the contests he has overseen this term. Which averages out at, er, 2(Pac).

Andy first traded his postbag and (Bombay) Bicycle (Club) for the whistle and cards in the year of 1994, when he was first added to The Football League list of assistant referees. As in, not the year of (The) 1975.

Let's keep our fingers Cross(faith)ed that Woolmer doesn't have any Issues to deal with this (Vampire) Weekend.

If you have any (Mackle)more festival-themed #RefWatch ''puns'' - or any death threats - I'd love to hear them on Twitter, @JacobSouthKlein. Peace.

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*So much for having ''Royal Blood''. Ho ho.